The Serpent's Punishment

Not much to do for the next 45 minutes, so I'm reading Scripture...

An Ceiling Cat said unto teh serpent, "cuz u did dis, cursd u aboov all teh moocows,
An aboov every one of those 4 leggd things that evolvd round here; upon ur belly u gun walk
An I gun take ur legs
An geev them to teh French 2 eatz An this is wut they gun eatz An they gun call it "Frawgs leegz",
An dust shalt u eated
all teh dais ov ur life
An u no getz no cookies to eated. An no cheezburgers neither. Srsly.

Labels: Humor, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 6:30 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

My New Religion

I worship Ceiling Cat and his infallible wiki-Word:

Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

Labels: Humor, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 6:08 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Southfield, MI -- WWJD About Single-Payer?

Hi to all from sunny Detroit! I think I'm going to post the Harrisburg photos later this evening.

I was having an argument with my friend Alan on Silicon Investor last night on the topic of how Jesus felt about universal health care. I always thought he would've been all for it, but then I came across a major finding during one of my regular Bible readings:

Luke 6:9-13, "And one day the Devil wilt put forth a prophet, and his name shalt be Marx. He shalt declare that ye people, both rich and poor, shalt not go without proper health care. Thou shalt denyeth him, lest thy soul be damned. And thou shalt taketh him to the public square, where thou shalt stone him, for the one called Marx is a false prophet. And ye rich shalt proceed through needles as camels slathered in Crisco."

I guess that settles it. Jesus hates Michael Moore.

Labels: Humor, Politics, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 5:29 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Albany, NY -- Sucking Babies

Hurricane Katrina has passed through New Orleans, and though it inflicted a great amount of damage, the city still stands. Though if the Bush administration had its way, it might not.

The Sunnis are having a difficult time ratifying a constitution which will leave them out of power after having total control over Iraq for 50 years. In Tikrit, Saddam Hussein's hometown, about 2,000 Sunnis are marching with signs which say, ""We sacrifice our souls and blood for you, Saddam." It's a shame we don't hear that kind of rhetoric in American political campaigns! "Martyrs for Obama in 2008!"

Hugo Chavez is calling for the head of Pat Robertson. Turnabout is fair play, eh?

The obscure ultra-Orthodox tradition of metzizah be peh, in which the mohel conducting a circumcision draws blood with his mouth, claims perhaps its first victim. In the category of headlines I couldn't make up if I tried, the Jewish Telegraphic Agency headline for this story this morning read, "Bris ritual still sucks."

And for an entire story I couldn't make up, AFP News tells the story of an Austrian town whose name AFP's editors won't even let it spell out.

Labels: Christianity, Iraq, Judaism, Katrina, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 10:45 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Albany NY -- God: Thou Shalt Not Skeet

Really funny work-related coincidence... this week on Stephen Colbert's latest installment of This Week in God on the Daily Show, Stephen Colbert did a segment on how three different religions punish the "sin" of masturbation. This afternoon, I was poking through MyJewishLearning.com's site statistics for July, and found that our 13th most popular page was an article by Rabbi Elliot Dorff entitled, "Masturbation: A Touchy Subject." So, for the Jewish view on the topic, check out that article. For three other viewpoints, check out the Colbert piece.

Labels: Humor, Judaism, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 2:30 PM Trackback Link 1 comments links to this post

Albany, NY -- Flying Spaghetti Monster Rapture

Israel's withdrawal from the Gaza Strip and four isolated settlements in the West Bank concluded today, with nearly no violence. However, many settlers believe that they'll be back there someday.

Televangelist and lover of all men Pat Robertson called openly today for the assassination of Venezuela's elected president Hugo Chavez. The NYTimes notes that Robertson is being "pilloried" for his comments, and Newsday has a reaction from Chavez himself. I'd heard from a friend at the gym that he'd heard that Robertson had specifically referred to a desire to overtake Venezuela's oil fields as the motivation for his comments, but can't confirm that to be the case.

From combjelly on Silicon Investor: "Part of it is historical, the US has rarely behaved decently in Central and South America. But there is some more recent stuff. Venezuela, like so many third world countries, had gotten themselves into a bad economic situation and turned to the IMF for help. The IMF, per usual, imposed strict austerity measures. Note, the IMF is usually right with their measures. But they aren't going to be popular. Chavez's predecessor, Perez, fully supported the measures, or at least didn't openly oppose them. Plus, he was encouraging ties between the US and Venezuela, I am sure the Venezuelans saw it as sucking up. So the US got closely identified with the ruling regime. including the corruption, nepotism, exploitation of the poor and all of the things that are so common in that part of the world. Any way, Chavez led a coup attempt, failed, got arrested and then later pardoned. He then started a party and was elected in 1998. He then made a lot of sweeping changes, including changing the way their government operates. This didn't sit well with the previous power structure, and possibly even rightly so(frankly I never was interested to dig up all the details). Suffice it to say that in 2002 there was a coup attempt against Chavez, the trigger being his talk about nationalizing the oil industry. Looking at the Wikipedia, Chavez actually had negotiated stepping down, but the agreement was violated. So he wound up in jail. In a fit of stupidity, the Bush administration fell all over themselves to hail the toppling of Chavez and welcome the new leaders. However, like often happens when a coup is attempted of a popular leader, the lower ranks in the military mounted a counter-coup and Chavez was back in. It was strongly rumored that it was the wealthy and the techno-elite that were responsible for the coup and the US backed them in their coup attempt, financially and otherwise. True or false, it certainly could look that way. And Chavez encouraged that interpretation.

"I personally don't know enough about Venezuela to have much of an opinion about exactly what happened and is going on. I do know that we did exactly the wrong thing in supporting the coup. It gave credibility to the rumors because we have, in fact, done things like that in Central and South America. So even if we were completely innocent, it is a reasonable suspicion that we weren't. So now Chavez is stronger than ever and has had his image burnished in the eyes of the average Venezuelan."

Bush took a moment out of his five week vacation at his palace at Versailles, ahem, I mean, the Crawford ranch, to address Cindy Sheehan's concerns to reporters. Now, how would pulling out of Iraq "weaken the United States?" Hasn't the frittering away of $200 billion from the Treasury, not to mention nearly 2,000 American lives, done much more to harm us than pulling out could ever do?

Also at the ranch, Lance Armstrong, who harbors political ambitions himself, is cozying up to Dubya despite opposition to the war.

And a new religion wants to have its creation story taught in Kansas... Just remember, whenever you have an important life decision to make, think to yourself, "What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do?"

Labels: Iraq, Politics, Religion

posted by jbrzoska @ 8:30 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

HOME!!!

After a VERY long layover in Atlanta, I'm finally back in Albany. It's been a long time since I've been home, and it's good to be here. I've got an awful lot of TV to catch up on, especially the new season of Boston Legal. ABC's moved it out from the coveted slot behind Desparate Housewives, and I hope it survives.

I spent much of the first leg of my flight reading a couple of magazines cover to cover. This week's New Yorker has a great piece on Kinky Friedman's run for Governor of Texas. Among the campaign slogans for the former frontman of Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys is, "KINKY 2006: WHY THE HELL NOT?”

The New Yorker also highlights the retirement of televangelist Billy Graham and the ascendence of his son Franklin. The same article details the evolution of the Christian fundamentalist movement in the United States. Speaking of which, I've begun reading the Gospels, having completed Matthew, Mark, and half of Luke. I'm actually enjoying it -- it's much better reading than the Koran. Reading the words of these ancient writers from 50 or so years after Jesus supposedly lived is like following a kindergarteners' game of Telephone. Each has a somewhat different account of the same stories and teachings, and some are clearer in describing certain details than others. The woman sitting next to me on the plane, a Chinese convert to Christianity, struck up a conversation when she noticed the Bible in my hand. She kept trying to suggest that I'd "see the light" someday, but gave up when she realized that I knew more about Christianity than she did.

Labels: Christianity, Religion, Travel

posted by jbrzoska @ 3:45 AM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Seattle, WA

So, it's come full circle... I drove 2000 miles to Seattle from Seattle. I was happy to get out of Portland -- I wasn't particularly impressed with the city, and it will be forever stained with my Verizon experience. On the way out of town, I stopped to get in a workout at the local JCC. The facilities were mediocre; more like an urban high school gym than the JCC atmosphere I'm used to in other places.

On the way into the JCC, I was approached by a Chabad rabbi from Boston, who expressed to me his wishes for a miracle -- that Israel's scheduled withdrawal tomorrow from Gaza would be prevented by God. What bothers me so much about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is how much of it is a silly religious argument, and as such is blown out of proportion. There are millions of people dying each day around the world from famine, disease, and war, and our attention remains focused on a conflict that, has killed a comparatively small number people over dozens of years, simply because of the religious sentiment involved. If this were rational, the world community would've already said, "Oh, you Israelis already live here -- that's your state; and you Palestinians already live here, so that's your state."

This isn't helped at all by the whacked-out evangelical community whipping their constitutency into a frenzy over this. On Christian radio during my trip up I-5 today, I listened to a preacher who was excitedly giving the Bible's take on the Gaza withdrawal. He declared that it would not go through, and that the EU, the "New Roman Empire," would announce a new peace plan that would be ineffectual and that while the world watched the plan fail, all of the "believers" would be whisked into the skies and made immortal as the "End of Days" began.

Meanwhile, according to this evangelist, since America lost its divine protection when President Bush announced in 2004 that both sides, and not just Israel, had to agree on the solution, Al-Qaida will shut down all of the communications and electrical infrastructure of the United States and overrun the U.S., which Iran and Russia (which he considers the New Testament nations of "Gog and Magog") invade Israel. He stressed repeatedly, with relish, that the End of Days is at hand.

Just like I mentioned a few days ago with the Christian radio hosts' declaration that one woman's desire for world peace instead of Armageddon as "Luciferian Doctrine," this preacher seemed to eagerly anticipate the destruction of the world. About half of this country, including our President, shares this belief system or a variation thereupon... it scares me, it really, really does.

A couple of MHz over on the dial, another Christian program interviewed missionaries who have been working in tsunami and civil-war stricken Sri Lanka. I was appalled to hear them proudly discuss how they've been "saving" Buddhists, Hindus, and Muslims. Is there any wonder my right hand is bruised from punching the steering wheel (and my Blackberry) all week?

The drive from Portland to Seattle, only 160-odd miles, took almost 5 hours due to awful traffic on I-5 most of the way, with the digital mercury reaching triple digits. Part of the delay was due to this trailer turned over in the middle of the road.

An interesting sight on the way -- is the street named after the band, or is the band named after the street? And this picture is just teasing me... I'm going to have to go to Olympia this week to complete a clean sweep of Capitol tours.One thing's for sure... I shouldn't be taking vacations to unwind... they're exhausting!

In world news, the cause of this Weekend's bizarre Cypriot plane crash this weekend remains a mystery.

Two of my favorite NYTimes opinion columnists chime in in tomorrow morning's paper. Paul Krugman, with a piece on the Bush administration's Social Security deception; and Bob Herbert, with another heart-wrenching article in his series on the human cost of the Iraq war.

Labels: Jewish, Judaism, Politics, Religion, Republican Party, Travel

posted by jbrzoska @ 2:45 AM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Boise, ID

Whew, this heat'll kill ya... I went out in the mighty Sebring today into the heart of downtown Boise. Neat town. College and political town, like Albany. Something I havn't really touched on over the last few days is that each city I've visited over the last couple of days is surrounded by mountains, and Boise is no exception.

Top down, I went seeking the mythical Sonic Burger. If you don't know Sonic, that's 'cause you're well, not cool. Sonic is a place that has excellent burgers and a really creative menu. For whatever reason, they advertise in the Northeast despite the fact that there aren't any Sonics there. It's such a cruel tease -- the commercials are totally droolworthy. I was lucky enough to get a chance to try Sonic for the first time last winter in Jacksonville (eatin' a Frito Pie back when I was sportin' the Jewfro), and have wanted more since, every friggin' time I watch ESPN's Best Hour on TV (Around the Horn/PTI).

I didn't ask for directions to Sonic, because 1. I never ask for directions, and 2. there are a zillion of them around here, so I figured I'd find one easily. Well, I didn't. I drove and drove, and ended up in Eagle, a rather nice suburb of Boise (photo, photo, photo). Eagle is more or less what I figure a Colorado town to look like -- nice houses, gated communities, horses, and lots of mountains! On my way, I heard a couple of songs that I love -- Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Something's Always Wrong" and Pearl Jam's "Glorified G" -- though someone should really introduce a bill making it illegal for DJs to declare that a song that was released when I was 14 is "so old!" Oh, and capital punishment for this jerk.

Having overshot Sonic, I headed back in search of it again. This gave me a bit more time to switch back to Christian radio... I had to make a stop at Wal-mart (where else?) because I just had to pick up a notebook to write down what I heard... Two women were discussing false Christian teachings and began telling discussing several... two of the ones I heard sounded sort of weird -- a guy who said that anybody can be a "Christ," not just, as they said, "Jesus of Nazareth." Another was a guy who says that the second coming of Jesus lives in a Western city and goes by the name "Matea," and has a collection of followers. A little strange to me, and the women were acting like the fact that people even think these things is utterly detestable (they weren't freaked out that these people say they talk to God, just that it wasn't the "real" God -- to me, anyone who says he/she talks to God is a kook in my book). They were convinced that these false prophecies are taking hold among the "professionals" and "intellectuals" all over the country.

The third "false prophet" was a woman by the name of Barbara Marx, who has received a congressional honor for her attempts to start a Department of Peace (doesn't that already exist?) and who has been cited but no less of a theological luminary than Walter Cronkite. Anyway, her teaching is that Armageddon can be bypassed if world peace can be brought out all over the world. That sounds nice, right? Not to these women... according to them, this philosophy is "Luciferian Doctrine" -- the "type of thing that Satan wants us to believe." Well, now I'm beginning to understand why we're in this aimless war, led by our Prophet-in-Chief, and why an American hero like Cindy Sheehan is doing what she's doing to stop it. By the way, I think her story is catching on. Unfortunately, this administration's "highest stage of Nixonism" may keep her actions from having an effect.

Another thing from Christian radio... those people certainly do NOT like Gnostics. Which is ironic, since they finished them off, massacre-style, like 1600 years ago. Dr. McGee, the radiovangelist was talking about how "arrogant" they were... isn't that kind of like the Turks talking about the "conceit" of the Armenians or us, as Americans, talking trash about the Indians?

Shortly after leaving Wal-Mart, I stumbled upon the elusive Sonic. It was everything I'd been waiting for ('cept they didn't have Sonic Water :( ). No mind, I can make that myself at home. I ordered a Fire Island Burger and a Foot-long Coney (hot dog with cheese and spicy baked beans). So good!

After Sonic, I visited the Idaho State Capitol (photo, photo, photo, photo). That's two Capitols in two days! I think I'm going to alter my plan and hit Salem tomorrow, to make it three in three... Anyway, I got to go through the Capitol here at a much more leisurely pace than the Montana one. I spent time talking to the assistants to Governor Kempthorne (R) and to his Lt. Governor. They were happy to show me around, though, just like in every other state I've visited so far, had some pretty negative things to say about a certain female Senator from my home state. And I got to take this rather frightening photo.

I didn't get to meet the real governor, because he was out getting ready for his daughter's wedding, which is this weekend in Boise.

In pro sports news, that schmuck T.O. may get his comeuppance if the ownership of the Eagles has its way. And in playground sports news, kickball is catching hold among adults -- like I'd hoped it would! I stole 242 bases in the summer of 1989... eat your heart out, Rickey Henderson!

Final thought before I go out for dinner and a few drinks among the good people of Idaho... is there any friggin' way to avoid that AWFUL Coldplay song on the radio?

Labels: Religion, Restaurants, Travel

posted by jbrzoska @ 8:30 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post

Boise, ID

Man, am I exhausted. I haven't seen much of Boise yet, other than the couple of miles of downtown I drove through last night... I did the entire 3 1/2 hour drive from Idaho falls without stopping, thanks to the sweet rock your socks off sounds of Tenacious D (this is not the greatest blog in the world... this is just a tribute). This was my first and probably only stint of night driving on this trip, and the sunset on I-86 was really nice (photo, photo). Words don't do it justice, and neither does my photography. And, for the record, though my digital has done a great job of handling light, it can't take pictures of the stars at 85 MPH for shit!

Near Pocatello, ID, I drove past a Shoshone Indian reservation... it made me pretty sad to witness its surroundings, which were overwhelmingly industrial. Seriously, has any group in the world gotten screwed worse than the Native Americans? We killed, what, 98% of them, and give them a few hundred square miles of Southern Idaho? As Rob Corddry said recently on The Daily Show, "casino" is an old Indian word meaning, "Well, I guess this makes up for everything!"

I listened for an hour last night to a radio preacher named Jim Towle, who gave a surprisingly balanced sermon (for an evangelical) on the Israeli/Palestinian situation -- for example, he called for everyone to pray for the Jews who were being forced out of their homes, but also for the understanding that the same thing has happened to many Palestinians. The next part of his speech was about the healing power of God. He read off a laundry list of lessons that his listeners "could distribute on the street corners of Los Angeles" (he broadcasts from Van Nuys). The gist of it was that God always wants to heal people, but if he doesn't, it's either their own fault for not having enough faith, or because we just don't understand that God may have a reason for not healing (he said that God may not heal your broken finger because healing that finger may cause you to exact vengeance on others). The thing with religion is that because it's not dependent on logic, there's always an out. I just can't have that mindset, nor can I ever really understand it. It's kind of fun to try, though.

Last item before I turn on the light, hit the shower and venture into downtown Boise. Here's a great little editorial from the Fort Wayne (IN) Sentinel about whose fault it is the troops are dying in Iraq.

Labels: Politics, Religion, Travel

posted by jbrzoska @ 1:15 PM Trackback Link 1 comments links to this post

Spokane, WA

So, I left Lake Moses to do the last 100 miles to Spokane. Seems pretty crazy that I can do all of this driving without any company, but I do it all the time -- how? Well, I've created this pretty high tolerance for driving as long as long as there's something good on the radio. My definition of "something good" has broadened significantly -- I've developed a Christianity fetish lately... it just sort of fascinates me. I just wrapped up Dante's Purgatorio on the plane (which, just like Inferno, I would not have been able to follow without Robert and Jean Hollander's amazing translation and commentary), and it's pretty hard to keep up with medieval poetry if you don't know much about the New Testament. Christian radio can be a lot of fun to listen to. They can fit Jesus into everything (see Crown Financial Ministries), and before today, I'd never heard the word "prayerfully." I'd listened to a piece on dieting for God, and the diet turned out to be Kashrut!

One of the things that makes Christian radio so much fun to listen to is their incessant bashing of liberals and liberalism. Case in point: on USA Radio yesterday, I was listening to a preacher who called himself Dr. McGee. His daily sermon cited the NT to relate how St. John didn't want Christians cavorting with liberals (the "dangerous jungle of liberalism") or "extremist" conservatives. I thought that he might be a little balanced because of his talk of the latter, but it turned out that his definition of an extremist conservative was anyone who bashed him. His example was another preacher accused him of associating with a Catholic bishop -- he'd never do that. (EDIT -- Apparently he's been dead for 20 years but his show is still broadcast on Christian radio).

I finally managed to catch a Fresh Air piece I've been hoping to hear for over a week; an interview with '50s teen icon Paul Anka. Mr. Anka has recently released an album called "Rock Swings" (LINK), a full CD of swing covers 80s and 90s rock songs. Very odd to hear his version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" alongside the original.

Spokane turned out to be beautiful; architecturally its downtown reminds me of an live version of Springfield, MA (which comes across as a ghost town to me), and much of it is centered on the Spokane River (photo, photo, photo). -- shows what a city can do with a river if it doesn't place an interstate highway within a couple hundred yards of it. Did you know Gonzaga was here? Neither did I (photo, photo).

On the recommendation of a couple of people working at my hotel, I had dinner at C.I. Shenanigan's (photo) -- a seafood chain based in Spokane and Tacoma which brews its own beer. At first, I tried a blond and a Yellowjacket summer brew (photo) -- the yellowjacket was better, but the Bighorn Amber, which I had next, was best of all. The menu was great, and I had pepper calamari (photo) and a spinach salad. Places on the east coast should have pepper calamari! My waiter told me that he was a rare liberal in a red area -- he was part of a militarily transplanted family from Norfolk, VA. I sat next to a couple of Bush voters who have been living in Spokane for 8 years -- the wife seemed ambivalent about having voted for Bush, but the husband said repeatedly, "I voted for him five times -- in the last election!" Oh, and here's a rare photo of me on my own vacation.

As it turns out, South Dakota is just too far, so my itinerary is getting a bit more set.

Labels: Music, Religion, Restaurants, Travel

posted by jbrzoska @ 10:00 PM Trackback Link 0 comments links to this post